Well then...

... I have survived the first week back to school. It was rather hectic, but, well, it's over now. It was only four days, but it's funny how so little can change a person so much...
Recently, I've been changing a lot as a person. Mostly, I have been growing far more comfortable in who I am. After years of believe I had no value, you have no idea how freeing it is to begin to truly believe that I do. I know God has made me unique and has set aside a specifc task for me in this world. Currently, I have no clue what that is... but, well, that's ok. My school (being a Christian school) held a chapel today, as we do every Friday. Yet, this one was not so typical. Normally it's worhsip, some Student's Council games, or sometimes a guest speaker or teacher's lesson. This one seemed normal to start. My music teacher got up in front of a ppt. that had a picture of soap and simply said "this is a bar of soap". She then flipped through a bunch of very cool, very beautiful soap carvings done from a simple bar of soap. She explained to us we're like a bar of soap; we have everything we need for what we are to become inside us, and sometimes we just need to find it.
.... we were all given a chance to make soap carvings (and mine failed but that's besides the point). Even among just under 80 students there were so many different results as to what came out. That just really helped hit the lesson home. Even with the same bar of soap to begin, there were so many different results. We're a little like that, in that God sometimes needs to chip away at and reshape us a bit to help us find the person inside that we are meant to be. However, it also made me realize that if there were that many results, and that much beauty from one type of bar, imagine the diversity and beauty from billions of different people. Sometimes you have to look at the little things to find beauty, and that helps you see the real beauty in the bigger things. We have a God out there who cares enough for each one of us to make sure that when we let Him shape us, we are all shaped into who He wants us to be. He makes billions of 'sculptures" out of us all. Perhaps the best part is, He loves us enough to be careful, but he knows that even if things might seem out of place for a time, in the end they make a more beautiful picture... and God doesn't make mistakes.
Going back to what I said before, I have been changing recently. I have seen the difference in myself, and others have pointed it out to me as well. It definetly seems to be a change for the better. The thing is, once I've started changing the "surface issues" (not talking about appearnce, but talking about very clear problems that could easily be identified), I've been seeing bigger ones beneath. It's like when you start digging up a grave, expecting to find one skeleton, and once you dig it out, you find more beneath. It's dissapointing when you think your job is done and discover it's not, and it's also a lot harder to dig deeper. Basically, what I'm saying is I decided a short while ago, I am changing those parts of me. I know that with God's help I can change for the better, and to His will (which is obvs for the better). It's not exactly easy, though. I have to give all of me over.... and that's hard. It's like being a puppet that hands it's own strings over. The only thing is, I know when I can hand them to God, He will put on a far better play then I could have... though really I never could have while holding my own strings. And, for a while, I saw that I had begun giving away my strings... but to the wrong people. I've decided I am taking them back - and giving them to God. It's rough... even just seeing that side of me... it's hard to face friends, or family. They are close to you and can hurt you far more easily than a stranger. Then when you're forced to face yourself, well, you know all your own strengths but also all your own weaknesses, making it that much harder. Yet, well, when you want that change desperately enough, and you KNOW God will bring you out okay at the other end, it's far easier. You become the bar of soap. God's the one carving you. You know He'll cut some stuff off, shave some stuff down, and maybe stick a little bit back on, but you also know that however you come out in the end will be better than how you went in.
So, basically, sorry if I come across as dramatic. It's not my intention. If I wanted to be dramatic, I'd be putting this on Facebook or something where everyone can see it. This is just my way of voicing my thoughts on what's going on, and for me currently, this is what's going on. I've made up my mind to change... and I am starting to try. It's rough but I am done being who I was and ready to let God use me and shape me and be a light for Him. I really hope He will choose me for the honor of working in this world for His glory....
For now, that's all, really. I have a few more thoughts, but, I may post them in another post (if I don't forget before then....) Thanks for reading! I know it's lengthy... sorry :p
-God bless!
P.S. Don't forget. You're like that bar of soap. If you feel there's something wrong with who you are, maybe you're just not finished yet. :)