Soften Your Heart/Crossroads

Yesterday was my youth group's kick-off. It made me SO glad that we didn't have game and a BBQ or anything (nothing against youths who do, though), but we had a lesson like any other youth night (well, except we got sundaes at the end, too :D ). And can I just say, I NEEDED that lesson. Like, I was walking a knife's edge and it is keeping me on balance so I can reach the end. The whole lesson was about how we need to make sure we have soft hearts, not hard hearts, and how we can soften them.

For about the last month, I have honestly had such a hard heart towards God. I have been trying to soften it recently, but I can say it really helps to have bible verses and notes from a youth group to look at when I start to slip again. Also, I am just SO thankful that God doesn't turn His back on me when I turn my back on Him. If He did, I don't even know that I'd be here today (I did come close to suicide before in my past and God was the only reason I didn't go through with it, but that's a story for a different post).

Psalm 73 was what we studied (here's a link to it if you want http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2073&version=NIV1984) This is a passage written by Asaph. He starts of whining a bit. As he goes on, he gets more and more extreme until he says, in verses 12-14 "This is what the wicked are like— always carefree, they increase in wealth. ¹³ Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.¹⁴ All day long I have been plagued;
I have been punished every morning." That becomes just a little extreme. The funny thing is, right after this, he suddenly clues in to what he's saying and begins to turn around in his opinion, saying "When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,²² I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you. ²³ Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.²⁴ You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

I don't think it can get much clearer than those last verses. Especially verse 23. "Yet I am ALWAYS with you; you hold me by my right hand." God is ALWAYS with us. Sometimes we all feel alone, especially during times where we feel we need someone to rely on. I hardened my heart a lot, but looking at that helped me reach that same point as Asaph did. I suddenly sat back and realized how blessed I am even just to have life. So, my heart is softening, and I am just left praying that God will shape my will to His for me.

I've kind of felt my life is coming to a bit of a turning point, or a crossroad. I've seen myself growing up and am finally acknowledging it. I've realized I am becoming more indepenent, but with that comes responsibility. Some of this includes my faith. Now it's my choice where I go with my faith; I won't just be sent to Sunday School or youth group like the "good little church girl" my parents want me to be. Now I can be a mature (I hope) Christian out of my own choosing. I am taking a step into trying to become more involved in youth and church. Before it was more like I'd go when I could make it easily or at all. Now I have decided I am going to try my best to attend two youth groups a week as well as church. I've also realized my blogs tend to be about God. I love that. I am making it my goal to include at least one bible verse in each blog. That gets me more into the word, and I have trouble sitting down and just reading the Bible, but blogging helps me get into it far more easily.

Basically, I have hit that point where my faith is now my choice. I have to act on it and try for it if I want to further in it. I am making the choice to try my best. I certainly feel like I am being "attacked" by the devil, but as people tend to forget, we are always attacked before we are blessed. That is what I am clinging to; the promises of a blessing for all this.

Well, that's all I feel like putting for now. I may or may not come back to this subject later. For now, I hope God will help you to have/keep soft hearts so He may shape your will to His. It makes life seem so much better when your will matches God's...

I'm praying for you all! God bless!