Soooo it's kind of been a while... life has been kind of crazy.
Like, life is worth living entirely, but it's exhausting. Especially when so much effort is put into finally ending some things. I kind of feel like my life has been a rollercoaster; literally. Little jam-packed sessions of action and then times where I have way too much time on my hands. Like a rollercoaster it's been flipping from crazy to pretty well not moving so it seems.
The last... well two months... I spent a lot of them crying. More than I'd like to admit. Summed up short, a breakup. Yeah I broke up with the guy (don't judge please) but that I feel is almost worse bc you have to hurt a person you never wanted to. And I am happy to say that I think I've finally reached a state where I can put that all behind me and move on. Although, okay, honestly started moving on a little while ago because majorly confused over might be feelings for a guy...
On top of that, well, there's school. Always school. I've felt a LOT of pressure in school. See, my family is NOT the best off financially. At all. So for me to go to University for what I want, I kind of need a scholarship.... and (honestly not trying ot brag) I'm quite used to low or mid 90s with little to no effort. But, we got a new teacher (former one is on mat. leave) for chem and math (basically the two most important subjects for forensic science). She's a lovely lady but I have trouble learning from how she teaches and so my marks in those subjects' marks have dropped and it was really stressing me out for a bit(yeah I know they don't look at grade eleven marks but if you don't understand grade 11 subjects how are you supposed to understand grade 12 ones? XD ). :$ I eventually broke down about it to my mom and she said it was fine; she assured me she knows I am trying my best and we can work it out if it jeopardizes my average.
But, well, okay... today, for no apparent reason as to why today, I kind of finally felt some peace about it all. Like, I had a really nice conversation with a friend on Fri night about this sort of stuff. And he kept telling me not to worry about it; it's in God's hands. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." and Matthew 6: 25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
MAJOR help right there. Bc I know these verses, but sometimes just need to hear them again to clue in to them XD
So, well, yeah... God's just been amazing. He hasn't left my side through any of this. I am so undeserving, but He sees me trying and comes to help me... so thankful for Him, <3
Well, that's all for today! God bless! -Emma
P.S. Random, but, well, recentlyI've started praying for the guy I am gonna' marry. Laugh if you will but I think it's a good idea to pray for the person you're gonna' marry. God has a plan but the Devil is always trying to screw it up. So pray for that person, whoever they are, the God will protect them for you and bring them to you/(or you to them) in His perfect timing. Also, praying for them certainly makes them feel more real... makes you really believe that they are actually out there and you're not literally "forever alone".
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